You Can't Do That on Television

January 24, 1981

The Muppets Get Suffed will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's dad makes her do work while hosting the show, so she keeps shovels a wheelbarrow full of dirt onto the set.

January 31, 1981

The Dukes of Hazard Line Up for Gas will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross spends most of the show making Christine's life miserable by making her do many strange things like jump from an airplane without a parachute, forcing her to be shot, makes her sick by distorting the broadcast, has her stuffed into a trash can, and even has her mummified.

February 7, 1981

Captain Kangaroo Robs a Bank will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine goes on strike demanding a raise. She eventually gets it, but discovers that she won't get paid for the time she was on strike, even though she was still on the show.

February 14, 1981

Jaws meets the Love Boat will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine spends the entire show waiting for her boyfriend to call her, which he doesn't.

February 21, 1981

The Six Million Dollar Man Rusts to Bits will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross tries to make money by collecting his family allowances. He also tries to adopt Christine, who is using an exercise bike and some special effects to travel around the world.

February 28, 1981

Hit and Run on Sesame Street will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Despite her constant attempts to explain safety rules, bad things keep happening to Christine including electric shock and decapitation.

March 7, 1981

The Dukes of Hazard Dress Up in Drag will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The rest of the cast is upset that Christine, as host, has an easier job. They trade places with her and all co-host the show, while she takes their positions in the sketches. In the end, she ends up on a quest to get Brodie slimed.

March 14, 1981

Jaws Eats Jacques Cousteau will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine hosts this episode from her bathtub at home. During the show she gets surprise visits from the cast and crew. The episode ends with her getting sucked down the drain.

March 21, 1981

Atomic Blast Levels Fantasy Island will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Jami admits that the only reason the Indians smoked was to kill the white settlers. He then tries to convince Christine to smoke.

March 28, 1981

Mr. Rogers Vandalizes the Neighborhood will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The entire set is stolen piece by piece, including the microphones and Christine's clothes.

April 4, 1981

Mr. Rogers, Neighborhood Pusher will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast uses pies as a substitute for pot to demonstrate the perils of drug use.

April 11, 1981

Miss Piggy Eats Ham Sandwiches will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine explains the importance of a healthy diet, but ends up wearing more of the food then she eats.

April 18, 1981

Sixty Minutes will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Lisa and Rodney keep trying to get Kevin to moon the cameras, but Christine stops them.