How to Buy a Baby

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie's adoption worker closely inspects their home, electrical outlets, tax returns and sex life to confirm they are ready to be parents.

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie attend 27 hours of mandatory parenting training where they are hoping to make friends, but only with people who are likely to get a baby after them.

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie write their adoption profile trying to guess what favourite books, music and food a birth parent might connect with. Does liking cereal suggest they're fun and will make good parents?

August 23, 2019

At a gender reveal party, Jane is horrified that Charlie sent their adoption profile to his mother, who sent it to his sister, who sent it to Aunt Ruth. Everyone is pregnant and/or has a suggestion.

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie finally have an adoption date with Sasha, a potential birth mother. Even when Sasha's boyfriend comes instead, Jane is undeterred in believing this is it, this is their baby.

August 23, 2019

It's an extra merry Christmas as Jane and Charlie celebrate being chosen by another birth mother. Sure, it didn't work the last time but this time, this baby is absolutely, definitely, the one. Right?

August 23, 2019

Attending a public adoption orientation, Jane and Charlie are hit with the reality that they are one of so many identical, hopeful couples.

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie attend the Ministry's Adoption conference where child welfare societies profile sweet, wonderful, adorable children who are in need of adoption. It's fucked.

August 23, 2019

Jane gets a scary call from a postpartum woman who wants Jane to take her baby. Now. Desperately shaken, Jane questions if she wants to continue trying to adopt.

August 23, 2019

Jane and Charlie find out about two children who need loving parents. Are Jane and Charlie them?